Christopher's Story…

Drugs and alcohol, and money were my way of coping. Self-medicating.

At 8 years old, I haphazardly found out that the man I had been calling daddy since I could remember was, in fact, not my biological father.

From that moment on my life changed.

I began hearing stories about the outlaw, alcoholic, agent of violence and crime figure that was my biological father from my alcoholic uncles and cousins at family gatherings. I drank first at around that age with them.

At that young age, you can't manage or even name your feelings or emotions. Needless to say, I became... different.

My life of crime, violence, meaningless sex, and substance abuse ensued for close to 20 years. In and out of handcuffs, rehab, penthouse suites... to homeless shelters. A roller coaster of resentment, abandonment issues, hatred, rage, love of money, and drug and alcohol abuse. In a way. My way of emulating the father, I never knew, openly hated, but secretly missed and yearned for, even though I didn't even know what he looked like.

Drugs, alcohol, and money were my way of coping. Self-medicating. Suppressing trauma and pain. But in the end, it ruined the potential life I had before me. It almost killed me more times than I can count, and left me with physical, mental, and emotional scars.

And those scars. I now wear those scars with my head held high, knowing that those battles shaped me, and the fires I lived through refined me. They gave me purpose. character. And brought me to God, who finished the work.

I am not my past. Though there is power in it. Through my weakness, God strengthened me, molded me, taught me, and trained me. And now here I am.

I struggled and fought for almost 20 years. Life, love, family, RECOVERY, well.. IT. IS. POSSIBLE.

Whoever is struggling, hurting, thinking it would be better to just disappear because that shame and guilt is literally tearing your guts and your heart to pieces... and the thought of facing your mother knowing how you broke her heart repeatedly is too hard to face... or losing your son because you could not get it together... DO NOT GIVE UP!!

YOU ARE WORTH IT. YOU ARE LOVED. TOMORROW IS A NEW DAY. THERE IS HELP. YOU ARE NOT DEFECTIVE. YOU ARE human. You are hurting. And you WILL heal... but you have to give yourself that chance, give yourself a break, and make a move towards a different path.

To maintain my sobriety, I have a relationship with God; I talk to him, listen to him, and follow him. I practice an attitude of gratitude. I try to write down 10 things I'm grateful for every single morning before I start my day and after I pray. And I try to write down 10 positive affirmations to myself, which I also speak out loud to myself a few times. And finally, I try to do a few quick circuit sets of push-ups, sit-ups, and air squats. My prayer, gratitude, quick workout, and affirmations set the precedent for the day. I get my physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual needs met before I tackle my day.

I'm grateful for God. I believe that without him, I wouldn't be here. I've been involved in things that most people only think happen in movies. By all accounts, I should be in prison, or a coffin, a handful of times, or a psych ward. So, I'm very grateful to be able to share my story with others in the hope that it may either deter someone from going down the path I did or bring someone home from the jungle.

Lorenza Pilar Salvador

So inspiring. Thank you for sharing your story. You are not alone.

This is a video I created for the Counselling Diploma course I am currently enrolled in at Rhodes Wellness College in Vancouver, Canada.